Sometimes I want to dissapear. Dissolve away... into nothingness. You know why? Because I already am nothing. I try my best to make my mom proud.... even if I slack around now and then. I would try so hard to get the grades that she wishes for, the attitude that she never had, but I can't. I'm imperfect... I'm nothing.

This week, my coach gave us a paper that asks all of our teachers for our grades. It was a thing that checks up on our grades, and I think if you get an F then you're out of the team. Anywho, it needed a parent's signature. I got my grades just a few days ago, showed it to my mom. She said: "TWO B's?? Ano ba iyan? Alam ko bakit ganto ng grades mo.... ganto ng grades mo pano kase sa basketball, ha?? O hinde... pano kase sa COMPUTER mo! Lage ka ng la-lakuatcha sa mga kaybigan mo, at cha ka paga hindi mo kasama yung ma nga BUISIT nayon, LAGE ka nasa basketball practice! Ano nag niyare sa 4.0 GPA mo? ANO??"

Translation.

TWO B's? What the hell is that? I know why your grades are like this... this happened because of basketball, huh? Oh wait.. this happened because of all that time you waste on the computer! You're always out with your friends, and if you're not with those idiots, you're always in basketball practice! What happened to your 4.0 GPA? WHAT??

asdfasdfasdf WHAT THE HELL??? I hate it when she fucking talks like this. I would rather have her beat me up and send me to the E.R. than torturing me with her bullshit. But she didn't use her hands this time, oh no... she had to bring me down and have me hate myself for doing the things that I like. Does she want me to crawl into the darkness of my room and do homework all day and all night? I WOULD DO IT IF SHE MADE ME. I won't eat, I won't sleep, I won't go out, I'LL JUST DO HOMEWORK ALL DAY LONG. I'll rid of my social life, become a DUD... and how would she like that? She would love it. She would love having an emotionless daughter so she could corrupt my mind and make me do everything she tells me. If she had the opportunity, she would send me off to a testing lab of some sort and have THEM insert some chip in my brain that allows me to do nothing more but schoolwork. NOTHING NOTHING NOTHING.

I hate my stupid life.